Relationship-Destroying Mistakes: Islamic Teachings for a Successful Marital Life
To Make Your Marital Life Happy, You Simply Need To Be Smarter
Main Points:
1.
If inappropriate behaviour exploits natural
differences between the couples, the marital life may be jeopardised.
2.
Islam has urged spouses to cultivate marital
affection and mutual mercy toward one another.
3.
The wife must be grateful towards her husband as
ungratefulness leads to negative consequences.
4.
Rather than identifying flaws in husbands and
gossiping about them, the women must take a different approach to the problem.
5.
If a woman treats her husband like a king, she
is a queen of a king, and if she treats him like a low person, she is the wife
of a low man.
----
By Kaniz Fatma, New Age Islam
16 February 2022
There might be some natural or behavioural disparities in
any marital life. However, if inappropriate behavior exploits these
disagreements between the couples, the marital life may be jeopardised. Experts
say that certain women exhibit patience and forbearance, as well as mental and
emotional qualities that enable them to deal with the challenges of life
effectively, particularly when it is related to their husbands. Women of this
type are well aware that marital secrets are sacrosanct, and they approach them
with a great deal of caution. Other women, on the other hand, have no tolerance
and are always generating problems and complaining about the incompatibility of
their husbands. This also exacerbates marital troubles and increases the
likelihood of divorce.
Islam has urged spouses to cultivate marital affection and
mutual mercy toward one another. As a result, Islam forbids women from
complaining and grumbling unjustly about their husbands' earnings. Instead, the
wife should be satisfied with her husband's earnings and express gratitude for
whatever he offers in the form of food, drink, clothing, or whatever else he is
able to acquire. Ungratefulness leads to hellfire, thus she should avoid it.
According to a hadith narrated by Ibn Abbas, the Prophet
(peace be upon him) said, "I was shown the Hell-fire and the bulk of its
occupants were ladies who were ungrateful. The question was posed: “Do they
deny Allah? (Or are they disobedient to Allah?)” He responded, “They were
ungrateful to their husbands for the gifts and good (charitable deeds) they had
received. If you've always been helpful (benevolent) to one of them and then
she notices something about you that she doesn't like, she'll respond,
"I've never received any good from you.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 29: Book 2,
Hadith 22)
So the Muslim sisters must beware of being ungrateful
towards their husbands, because the consequences will be unpleasant both in
this world and in the afterlife. Even if
your husband fails to fulfil some of your rights due to a lack of resources or
some other reasons, begin by praising him and noting his beautiful traits
before expressing your request. Beware of denying the favours of your husbands
and fantastic situations he has spent with you, since this is regarded as
ungratefulness, which is the leading cause of marital discord.
Women's rights have been safeguarded by both Islamic and
secular laws. We must, however, analyse whether we have met our commitments to
our husbands. We spend a lot of time trying to identify flaws in our husbands
and gossiping about them. As a result of these practices, which have a horrible
effect, we go to tremendous measures to jeopardise our happy marital life.
Others mistakenly encourage us to seek unnecessarily the assistance of the
police and the courts over little matters, which can often shatter our mutual
trust and injure us. If the husband is angry at some minor issue, the wife
should calmly and gratefully cooperate with her husband, recall his good deeds
and make him feel responsible, and then watch as her husband becomes more kind
to her.
The secrets of the family are entrusted to you, and you must
safeguard them. If you don't, your husband will lose faith in you. Allowing
your home secrets to become the subject of gossip or idle chat with your
friends is not a good idea! Never put your trust in a neighbour to conceal a
secret you can't bear to keep to yourself.
A strong and successful family system is required for humanity
to build a pure civilization. It all starts with the love and affection between
the husband and wife. The Lord of the Worlds and the Holy Prophet have
established the boundaries between husband and wife (peace be upon him). They
can have a very happy life if they both stay within their boundaries, and many
families do so by following Islamic teachings. The stronger the trust between
husband and wife, the happier and more comfortable they will be in each other
and the better the effects on the children will be.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “The one who has
perfect faith is the finest in his character among the believers, and the best
among you are those who are the best for their wives.” (Jami 'al-Tirmidhi,
Hadith Hasan Sahih) The second hadith states that this globe is the entire
capital (item to be used), but the virtuous woman is the most valuable thing in
the entire world.
According to one hadith, the best is the husband who is the
best for his wife. Another hadith raises the position of women by declaring a
virtuous woman to be the best thing in the world. This is a significant
blessing of Islam on women. However, we must remember that in order to be
virtuous, a woman must be moral and loyal towards her husband. Such a devoted
wife enriches her life by making her spouse happy. The Prophet (peace be upon
him) said, “The woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her will enter
Paradise '' (Hadith reported by Imam Tirmidhi).
Allah says in the Quran: “So righteous women are devoutly
obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them
guard.” (Quran 4:34)
The phrase "righteous women" refers to women who
fulfil the rights of Allah by obeying him and His Messenger (peace be upon
him), as well as the rights of their husbands in terms of obedience,
admiration, and respect. These women are "devoutly obedient". In the
absence of their husbands, such women guard whatever must be guarded in terms
of chastity, wealth, and homes.
“What Allah would have them guard” could mean that had there
not been the protection of Allah, these women would have failed to do so. In
other words, unless the grace of Allah is with them, guarding is a difficult
task for them. It could also imply that Allah defends women’s rights by
commanding husbands to keep their promises to their wives, such as being fair
and kind to them and giving them with their fair Mahr (bridal money). In this
interpretation, it means that in exchange for Allah’s protection of your
rights, you (women) should preserve your husbands’ rights, which Allah has
established.
Dear sisters, the following are some recommendations based
on Islamic studies:
· You should
always express your sense of security and confidence to him, as well as your
desire for a long life with your children. Keep away from grudges. Never
dismiss anything he does or buys. Never look down on him, his career, or his
degree. All the pillars of love and adoration between you and him would be
blown to bits if you had any of these attitudes.
· Make sure
you don't give him the impression that he's emotionally numb or cold, or that
you're annoyed by his lack of emotion. His disinterest and coldness will
escalate if you do so. Instead, he may become more obstinate and neglectful of
you as a result of this. Instead, give
him more praise and accolades for things he did for you without even realising
it.
· Don't make
his comparisons to movie or television stars. Instead, show him that you are
grateful to be married to a devout husband who protects and cares for you,
worries about you and fulfils your wishes, and with whom you collaborate to
raise your children and travel the path to Paradise. Make him believe that you
are mature enough to be unaffected by the deception, false pictures and
recommendations of the media.
· “It is she
who pleases him (her husband) when he looks at her, and obeys him when he
commands her,” the Prophet (peace be upon him) stated when questioned about the
best of women.
· As a result,
speak to him calmly and logically, avoiding any superfluous repetition of
words. Never supplicate Allah against him or threaten him, for such approaches
only serve to exacerbate resentments and issues. Rather, strive to develop a shared
understanding and offer advice instead of arguing and hostile supplication.
Avoid blaming
your husband excessively or raising your voice at him in public or in front of
your children. Wait till the two of you are alone before blaming each other. He
will be impacted and respond if you wait until he has calmed down and then
speak to him in a quiet voice with touching words and mild reproof. Because
most men are proud and passionate, the mild and sensitive approach is the only
one that will work with them. Many women lose their husbands because they are
unaware of this fact.
· Deal with
the incorrect situation cleverly. If your husband gets home late at night, for
example, do not yell at him or make a scene because he already feels bad when
he comes home late. As a result, try to persuade him that you were afraid of
being alone at home or that you missed him while he was away.
· Asking too
many suspicious questions is a bad idea. Do not rummage through your husband's
pockets, listen in on his phone calls, or check for slips. All of these
behaviours are frowned upon and have negative effects.
· Even though
she feels angered, the righteous wife does not ask her husband for divorce
until she has a solid basis to do so. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon
him) said, “Any lady who requests her husband for divorce without a harm
[inflicted on her], the aroma of Paradise will be denied for her,” (Abu Dawud,
Nasai, and Tirmidhi)
· As a result,
please delete “divorce” from your dictionary. Divorce is not a pleasant
experience, especially if you have children. The spouse is usually logical and
does not respond to such foolish demands of a wife. The result of asking for
divorce, however, is that the children will always be anxious and fearful that
their parents may divorce one day.
According to a popular Urdu proverb, if a woman treats her
husband like a king, she is a queen of a king, and if she treats him like a low
person, she is the wife of a low man.
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Kaniz Fatma is a classic Islamic scholar and a regular columnist for
New Age Islam.