Learn To Bite Your Tongue: If You Continue to Hate, When'll You Love?
By
Sumit Paul, New Age Islam
4 January
2024
“When people talk, listen completely. Most
people never listen.”
― Ernest Hemingway
Once the
great mystic Fariduddin Attar was concocting and mixing different fragrances to
make attar (perfume). His family was into making perfumes. So, he was called
Attar. He always chose a secluded place while experimenting with different
types of fragrances. Someone asked him why he always chose a secluded place
while concocting a perfume. Attar said, "So that, I could smell and listen
without any noise." The man was surprised. He asked Attar, "I can
understand the smell part as you need seclusion while smelling a perfume but
the listening part is unintelligible to me. What does listening have to do with
making perfumes? "The enlightened Attar said, "all these concoctions
and liquids are boiled and boiling water creates different levels of sounds
that can be discerned by those who're too attentive and perceptive."
In other
words, you listen to discern. "Kahin Chatki Kali Koi, Main Yeh Samjha
Ke Tu Aayee" (Even the softest sound of blossoming of a bud gives me
an idea that you've arrived). We're all in the habit of butting in and we
seldom allow others to complete their sentences.
There's a
Hadees (Muhammad's teachings): If you talk all the time, when will you
listen?
It's like,
if you continue to hate, when'll you love?
So, listen
at least as much as you talk because listening is also a sign of respect.
Biblical proverbs are full of listening and its positive ramifications:
A fool
takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion (Proverbs 18: 2) or If one gives
an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame (Proverbs 18:13).
Neurologists
have coined the term, Neural Rest. When you listen, you give rest to your
neurons and feel better but when you talk, especially, when you talk
incessantly, your neurons are stressed out and agitated. Listening provides
tranquillity and serenity to your whole being whereas talking tires you.
Many issues
in life can be sorted out if we practise listening earnestly and carefully.
Tiffs of lovers and spouses can be resolved if they listen. Rumi said in Greek,
Tene Kenza Virni Vic Mest Eloqua (Listening is more difficult than
speaking). Yes, there are four exiguous poems of Rumi in Greek, albeit in
rudimentary Greek as he spent the last phase of his life in Turkey and was also
entombed in Konya (Turkey). Turkey touches Greece. He picked up a smattering of
Greek in his last nine years in Turkey.
In The
Notebook of a Jurist, the legendary judge, Muhammad Karim Chhagla wrote that to
be a good judge, listening is the fundamental trait to develop. Let the other
person complete what he or she wants to say. Then you open your mouth. To
listen is to understand the perspectives of others. Listening is the key to
acquiring wisdom. To quote the British playwright Tom Stoppard, "Men make
a botch of things as they tend to ejaculate quite often" (pun intended, in
archaic English, the word 'ejaculate' meant 'to say something suddenly and
thoughtlessly'). You all know the prevalent and more common connotation of the
word 'ejaculation.'
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A regular columnist for New Age Islam, Sumit Paul
is a researcher in comparative religions, with special reference to Islam. He
has contributed articles to the world's premier publications in several
languages including Persian.
URL: https://newageislam.com/spiritual-meditations/tongue-hate-love/d/131450
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