The More One Judges, The Less One Loves

By Sumit Paul, New Age Islam

9 December 2025

"The more one judges, the less one loves."

When we engage in judgment, we create barriers and predispositions that prevent us from understanding and appreciating others' perspectives, choices, and individuality. Love, on the other hand, thrives in an atmosphere of acceptance, empathy, and open-mindedness. By withholding judgment, we create the space needed for love to flourish and foster deeper connections with others. Ultimately, we must prioritize love over judgment, reminding us that the more we judge, the farther we distance ourselves from experiencing true love and intimacy. Moreover, we tend to judge a person at a very superficial level, literally as well as metaphorically.

'A man may wear a red necktie, a green vest and tan shoes, and still be a gentleman.'

-E M Statler, ''Statler Hotel Service Code"

Appearance doesn't always guarantee a person's inner fabric and his/her intrinsic qualities. In fact, appearances are often deceptive because seeing is not always believing. What we see is a facade. It's an edifice which every individual tries to present and project to hide his/her hideous inner face. A true gentleman is least bothered about his outer appearance.

Years ago, this writer saw a very ordinary looking man with a humdrum appearance rush to save a man who met with an accident. He took him to a hospital and saved his life, whereas many well-dressed, 'suave' and 'sophisticated' bystanders just ignored and did nothing for the man bleeding on the road. But that 'poor' man rushed and took him to a hospital. He was poor in appearance but rich in character.

Handsome is he who handsome does is an old English adage. Its relevance is eternal. We tend to judge people by their appearances and think that a well-attired, 'English-speaking' person must be a nice human being.

Now the question is what's our idea or perception about a gentleman? Who's a gentleman? One who looks like a gentleman or one who acts gentlemanly? Obviously, who acts gentlemanly is a gentleman.

But we're living in a society that has very turbid notions about a gentleman. We're more concerned about the persona and less about the person. The halo effect is more important than a person's innate goodness or qualities.

We're never thoughtful about the inborn beauty of a person and get entangled in his/her outer image. 'Roop-Rang Pe Marta Aaya Sadiyon Se Ye Zamana/Main Man Ki Sundarata Dekhoon, Pyaar Ka Main Deewana' (For centuries, the world has fallen for the external beauty and colour/But I see the beauty of a person that's hidden and needs to be brought out).

Greek poetess Sappho, who died very young, said, 'Who's beautiful at heart will soon be good to look at.' Since we're all aware of the ugly warts of our personality and character, we tend to hide those festering warts by appearing suave in public.

But those who know that it's the humane and genuine aspect of one's personality that only matters, never resort to donning a false look. Albert Einstein never wore a suit while delivering his epochal lectures on various facets of Physics. His refrain was, 'audiences don't come to see my appearance. They come to hear my lectures. If I present myself in a very polished manner, will that anyway influence the contents of my lectures?'

That's why during Hajj, all devotees wear an identical one-stitched apparel (qaba). One of the Hadees of Muhammad states, 'Only through the uniformity of appearance can we think and act alike.'

If you notice in all religions, the sacred most part is the 'identical appearance through dressing' (Appiyo Vricchipam: Same appearance, same devotion in Prakrit; Jain Agam).

The fabricated and artificial appearance conceals the goodness that's hidden in every soul. So, never judge a person on the basis of his appearance. In fact, the uglier it's, the prettier it'll be innately. Look at the real Sufis (Soof: Arabic word for a coarse piece of cloth/Khaddar Ka Kapda in Hindi). They wear soof but the pulchritude of their character shines through their coarse appearances. Be like them.

Remember, "Auron Ko Jaanchne Mein Zindagi Guzaar Dee/ Iss Chakkar Mein Hayaat Apni Mismaar Kee" (I spent my life in judging others / And ruined my own in the process).

URL:   https://www.newageislam.com/spiritual-meditations/judges-loves/d/137939

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