A Break-Up Is A Wake-Up Call
By Sumit Paul, New Age Islam
29 November 2025
Kitni Raahat Hai Dil Toot Jaane Ke Baad
Zindagi Se Mile Maut Aane Ke Baad
Shamim Jaipuri, sung by Mohammad Rafi and is considered his finest non-filmi Ghazal
"The two of them had the most horrendous breakup. They got married! "
Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together. Ergo, rejoice when your heart is broken.
Nothing remains forever intact, whether it's an object or a relationship.
Nowadays, breakups are as common as cups and cutleries falling from the hands and breaking! They've become lovers' inexorable destinies and nonchalant fates. Recently in Bombay, one young guy chased and fatally stabbed his former girlfriend and committed suicide by slitting his throat. He suspected that his girlfriend was seeing someone else. They broke up a few days before the gory incident. Theirs was a decade-long relationship. The guy was seething with anger that his girlfriend jilted him. So, he took a drastic step. Alas, the break up destroyed two young lives. Why don't we understand that break-ups in a relationship are like bends in the river? It's nature's way to put brakes on a relationship before it worsens. In other words, a break-up is a blessing in disguise. It's a hint from the Universe and an insinuation from destiny that the 'union' is over.
Everything in life has a purpose. Nothing happens without a reason. A break-up also has a meaning, albeit hidden. It teaches the person/s deeper lessons of life and relationships. At the same time, when we break off with someone, however close he/she may have been, we're again open to forging new bonds. So long as one's in a relationship, it's difficult to weigh other options. But once the earlier bond loses its grip, you're free. A child learns to walk by stumbling and a horse-rider falls many times before he becomes an expert rider. Likewise, break-ups are steps to a greater and better relationship in future or even if one never finds an ideal partner in life, break-ups teach him/her the do's and don'ts of a relationship.
One wonders, why do we use the negative words like break-off and break-ups? A river has many bends. What's called a 'break off' is actually a bend in the river of life. You know, why does a river have bends? Nature has made rivers with bends like women with curves. It's meant for their survival and greater visual appeal. A river without bends is prone to floods and causing destruction. Bends put brakes on it. Likewise, a break-off is a natural brake on two individuals before things go out of control. A moment comes when both the individuals in a relationship start getting suffocated. They long for freedom. Actually, this longing for freedom is a yearning for another individual, another relationship, another horizon or plain emptiness. It may sound trite to many but the greatest truth in life is that nothing is permanent. It's nature's necessity to sift, shift and separate for a greater breathing space for all. It's but natural to go into a state of depression following a break-up but as we know that nothing is everlasting in life, this phase also passes.
Just before growing a new skin and shedding the old one, a snake doesn't eat anything and at times, it appears to be dead. But soon it's agile when the new skin comes. Saying goodbye to the old is always heart-breaking but until we say that, how can we welcome the new ones(s)? There's a beautiful narration in Mahabharata’s Samar Parv, when the great patriarch Bhishma fell at the age of 167 (!). Arjun, who was the closest to him and whose arrows pierced into Bhishma's flesh, began to cry like a child. At that time, both Krishna and Bhishma told him not to cry because the old must depart to pave the way for new. So, an old relationship must depart to usher in a new one. No one's indispensable in life and after some time, one naturally forgets all. And one has to forget all, one by one to feel a sense of blissful emptiness that permeates not just the whole universe but also pervades one's whole existence.
Agreed, the most painful thing in the world is parting ways. Darkness suddenly descends and everything appears to be gloomy but after overcoming it and looking back, one feels that it was in his/her favour. Nature has its own way to separate two individuals before things come to a pass. It (nature) facilitates parting. Moreover, a man-woman relationship often comes with an expiry date. Even if it culminates in marriage, the fire is not there. One can live forever alone and all relationships are mere stations. Man may be a social animal but he loves to live alone. It's our existential fate. 'No cerebral person can be in a relationship for more than a couple of months. He has to part ways,' said the US novelist Ernest Hemingway. And he said it quite earnestly! Cerebral people feel suffocated in a relationship because a rather old relationship loses newness and gets rusty. So, it's better to part ways. Parting causes heartache but it also saves several other aches to come. We often don't part because we're conditioned to seeing that person and despite his/her undesirable traits, we continue to stick together.
More than the pain of parting, it's the fear of parting that stops us to part. We're fearful of the sudden void, the vacuum that parting leaves behind. But nature fills any void. It hates vacuum. Taoism believes that ' Until you part/ There's no new start.' So, to embrace the new, one has to part with the old.
When the great Persian mystic Jalaluddin Rumi was dying at the age of sixty six in 1273 CE, his favourite disciple Husam al-Din Chalabi came to be with him in his fleeting moments. Rumi told him, ' Husam, don't weep, I'm parting ways with this world and getting ready to embrace my greater beloved.' With these words, the great mystic closed his eyes forever. The words of Rumi echo in one's consciousness, ' Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes.'
One parting paves the way for a greater union. The quest is never-ending. So, don't rue when you part. Instead, take it as a new start. Nothing in life is permanent and there's nothing so bad that there's not some good in it. Every parting is, therefore, a profound lesson in relationship/s. Learn from it and move on. No pain lasts forever and you ultimately gain from your pain, plight and predicament. A break up is a clear indication that the lovers are fed up with each other. They drifted apart because of boredom and other reasons. The problem with all of us is that we love to live in a world of dreams and don't want to face the harsh realities of life. To a sane mind, both (man and woman) get a straightforward perspective or message that they cannot and shouldn't be together. Now both should find new individuals. Moreover, every individual is ultimately a bore. The very idea that one can live with the same person throughout his/her life is equal to believing that a candle will go on burning and spreading light till eternity. When two individuals break up, they must part ways and see to it that their paths shouldn't cross. A patch-up affair, especially a love affair, loses its soul and spirit and it's like dragging a relationship. There's no dearth of new and interesting people in life.
The entire human life is an exciting saga of new searches, meeting new people and facing novel experiences. Why should one stick to the same person even after getting indications that it's time to move on? There are greener pastures and meadows. Getting back together means both have no options. It's not love. It's helplessness and ' lack of options syndrome.' We must get rid of this emotional helplessness and instead of getting back again, we should choose new avenues and alleys for ourselves. When a break-up appears impending, don't try to stave it off. What's imminent, cannot be stopped. That'll happen sooner or later. Woh Afsana Jise Takmeel Tak Laana Na Ho Mumkin / Use Ik Khoobsoorat Mod Dekar Chhodna Acchha (What cannot be brought to a happy end/ Must be left in a dignified manner).
Separation is, at times, an advisable refreshment for one's soul and his/her spirits. Killing someone just because he or she has gone awry in a relationship is extreme foolishness. It's harakiri. To quote Sahir, “Utna Hi Upkaar Samajh Koi Jitna Saath Nibha De/ Janam-Maran Ka Mel Hai Sapna, Ye Sapna Bisra De/ Koi Na Sang Mare/ Man Re Tu Kaahe Na Dheer Dhare " (Film: Chitralekha, Music: Roshan Lal Nagrath, 1964). Moreover, a positive outlook does help tide over the pangs and pains of separation: Bhala Hua Mori Gagari Phooti/ Main Paniya Bharan Se Chhooti (Good that my pitcher has broken / Now I don't have to fill it with water). Always remember, some goodbyes set you free. The high-priest of love, Pablo Neruda may have said, " Love is so short, forgetting is so long." But one has to forget to surge ahead in life. Nothing or no individual is indispensable. So, close the doors that hurt you, no matter how beautiful the view is. After a few years, when you look back, you may thank your stars for saving you.
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A shorter version of this article has appeared in today's FPJ.
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A regular columnist for New Age Islam, Sumit Paul is a researcher in comparative religions, with special reference to Islam. He has contributed articles to the world's premier publications in several languages including Persian
URL: https://www.newageislam.com/spiritual-meditations/break-up-wake-call/d/137812
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