By Jugnu Mohsin
12 March 2010
I AM in beloved London. What a relieve to be here and away from beloved Lahore where bums are going off and tablets are walking on the streets. Sarkon pay goliyan chal rahi hain. But still there is some confuyion.
Yesterday, porter of building brought latter to me and said, “Hello Guy! Is this your letter? The name’s smudged”. I said, “No thanks. My name’s Sharif, not Smudged”. He opened his mouth to say something, then stopped, then said, “never mind” and went away. What is problem?
After that, I took your bhabi for walk in park. There a band was playing nice, nice tunes. Your bhabi said, “I wonder what that tune is”. I cleverly noticed a sign posted near bandstand so I said to your bhabi, “I’ll go and see”. A little while later I came back and told your bhabi, “It’s the Refrain from Spitting tune”. As we walked around, a janaza came. In London they don’t carry dead body on charpoy with whole mohalla and extanded family walking with it on their shoulders and vailing, crying. Here they are much civilianized.
They have a thing called Her’s (I think so this is for women dead bodies. For men, this thing must be called His). Anyway, they were bringing dead body in Her’s and walking quitely at the back. The band stopped playing out of respect. Band master came and whispered in my ear, “who died?” I said, “I’m not sure. I think it must be the one in the coffin.” There is big huge and cry that Sahbaz Saab has revealed his assets. If you don’t reveal, ghaddar press wallahs are complaining. If you do reveal, they are complaining. A press wallah called me from beloved Lahore and said that Sahbaz Saab has revealed his assets to the election commissioner and how come he is having so less money, hain ji? I am saying to ghaddar press wallah that money is not everything.
Very true, very true, he said. I said, “Besides money, Sahbaz Saab is also having stocks, bonds, shares, bearer certificates and so and so farth”. Ghaddar press wallah went and reported this saying in the newspapers and anger climbed on Sahbaz Saab.
Ghussa charrh gaya. He said, “you have to do something now to correct this impression”. I said, “what I can do?” then I said, “ok, ok, I will give capital punishment to ghaddar press wallah”. Sahbaz Saab said, “ok but get on with it then”. I possed to think, then I ranged Sahbaz Saab back and said, “sorry but capital punishment sounds like federal matter. How I can give with only provincial government in my control, hain ji?” Sahbaz Saab slammed phoon. I ranged back and sang:
Kyun udaas rehtay ho,
Garmiyon ki shaamon mein?
Iss tarah to hota hai,
Iss tarah kay kaamon mein … NS
Source: Mail Today