Courtesy, Like A Woman's Saree And Her Long Hair, Is Never Out Of Fashion
By
Sumit Paul, New Age Islam
17 January
2024
Adab Se Baat Keejiye, Nafasat Se Pesh Aiye / Shakhsiyat
Mein Chaar Chaand Laga Deti Hai Shaistagi (Speak courteously, behave in a refined way/
Etiquettes add to your persona).
I always
quote Mohsin Naqvi's famous Sher whenever I feel that the other person
could have been more courteous or when my own behaviour towards someone lacks
courtesy and refinement. 'Always speak politely to an enraged dragon,' is a
Cantonese proverb that will always remain relevant.
Once at a
swanky restaurant in Poona's Koregaon Park, I saw an obscenely rich man treat a
waiter: 'Ae Sun, Do Roti Laa.' I
was flabbergasted. How could a person treat someone so disparagingly? Wasn't a
waiter an individual with a sense of self-respect and dignity? How could that
uncouth rich man treat him (waiter) so pejoratively? This was sacrilegious to
me. So disturbed by this type of unrefined behaviour, I couldn't finish my
dinner and left the restaurant.
Ralph Waldo
Emerson summed it up: Just two words, 'Speak Politely' can transform human
civilization. They sure can. We often quote Turkish poet Nazim Hikmat's famous
line on good manners: Kenale Aft Weir En Done' Epnoi Heraqat, De Epla Shin
Ebareen (My soft words are not just meant for my beloved, but they're for
all creatures).
The
eccentric genius Raghupati Sahay 'Firaq'
Gorakhpuri would use 'Aap' even for his dog! Though extremely
short-tempered, he'd call a person Sang-e-Benoon (Persian way of calling
an individual, a dog/ Sag: Kutta / Dog; So, a Sang sans Noon is a SAG: Dog).
Pristine Persian, a language of etiquette, had no cuss words and imprecations.
Its way of
addressing a person is ultra-refined: Faqat Zabaan-e-Huma-Shuma (Only a
language of Aap and Hum). Readers may have noticed that one who
speaks impeccable Urdu, always uses HUM for himself or herself and AAP (never Tu/Tum)
for others.
To quote
Urdu poet Nawab Shefta of Rampur Riyasat (he patronised Mirza Ghalib): Apni
Zauq-e-Nazar Ko Bhi Kabhi Tum Na Kaha/ Nafast Ke Alag Hi Usool Hua Karte Hain
(I never used Tum even for my beloved/ Refined behaviour has its own rules and
principles). So very true!
But in
these unrefined times living with riffraff, courtesy, like non-violence, is
often mistaken for timidity and cowardice. It's not. Politeness is always a
sign of dignity, not subservience. Mark my words, courtesy, like a woman's
saree and her Rapunzel-like hair, will never be out of fashion.
----
A regular columnist for New Age Islam, Sumit Paul
is a researcher in comparative religions, with special reference to Islam. He
has contributed articles to the world's premier publications in several
languages including Persian.
URL: https://newageislam.com/spiritual-meditations/courtesy-woman-saree-hair-fashion/d/131532
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