By Nadeem F. Paracha
Dec 30, 2016
The Future Of Britain
Brexit activists, Amanda Fish and Edward Chips, look towards a bright future after voting for Britain’s exit from the European Union. Ms. Fish and Mr. Chips say they had been dreaming of a ‘Britain for the British only’ since they first met during a football riot in Manchester in 1964. Both celebrated the Brexit vote by throwing empty beer bottles at a ‘Paki’ male nurse who worked for Mr. Chips. Mr. Chips vowed that after Brexit, he won’t let the Paki change his adult nappies anymore.
After being criticised by human rights groups for not accepting any refugees from Syria, Saudi government allowed the entry of hundreds of refugee camels from the war-torn country. The picture shows one of the first batches of Syrian refugee camels arriving in Saudi Arabia. A Saudi prince said, ‘they are our brothers and welcome to stay here.’ Two of the camels were later turned into prime rib roast (medium rare) at a banquet hosted to celebrate this wonderful humanitarian gesture.
Peaceful Hindu nationalists in India were alarmed by the birth of a child who is said to be the reincarnation of a vicious Mongol butcher. The child was born to a secret Muslim fundamentalist father and a liberal Hindu mother. This picture of the child was taken by famous Sanskrit pulp novelist, Ratan Ganpati Chopra (penname Tariq Fatah), when the child had become violent after watching a group of people doing yoga on TV. The child attacked the TV with an axe.
Fatah had been following the Muslim-Hindu couple from the day their kid was born. He was hiding in the vegetables section of the freezer in the couple’s home when he took this photo. Fatah is said to still be hiding in the freezer and feeding on frozen pumpkins and carrots. He tweeted that the couple also had beef in the freezer and, thus, their house should be attacked, the couple lynched and their baby’s name changed to Shantaram Laxmikant Pyarelal. Otherwise India is doomed.
Victory For Good Old Fashioned White Protestant Anglo-Saxon (Etc.) American Values
Trump supporters, Amanda Stallone and Edward Schwarzenegger, pictured outside their home soon after Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 US Presidential Elections. The couple believes that Trump’s Presidency would give back the good old fashioned white Anglo-Saxon (etc.) Americans their vast ancestral cotton fields which were snatched from them by niggas, Japs, the Vietcong and the Kennedys. The couple also looks forward to the expulsion of all the Latinos, blacks, Muslims, Chinese and liberals from American soil. However, Amanda and Ed hope that at least some of these would be retained to work on the vast ancestral cotton fields. To celebrate Trump’s victory, the couple bought two brand new firearms from a grocery store in Mississippi and chased some niggas and Moslem terrorist outta town to make America great again.
Searching for Islamophobia
This is a picture of the two women, Sharmila and Fouzia, whose main existential purpose in 2016 was to travel to various European countries to get harassed. Both landed in a European country without niqabs but wore hijabs the moment they left the airport. When they didn’t face any harassment, they wore an open-faced burqa. When even this didn’t trigger any harassment, they adorned a full head-to-toe niqab. When this too failed to attract any Islamophobic pestering, they felt offended and believed that they had let down their faith.
Disappointed, they returned to their home countries and began harassing other women in niqabs for not wearing the niqab in a proper manner. This made them feel better. In this picture, they can be seen standing outside a shopping mall in their home city and keeping an eye on other women in niqabs. However, they say that their main goal remains to get harassed in a western country. ‘That will truly strengthen our faith, said Sharmila. Or was it Fouzia. We’ll never know.
Disclaimer: This article is categorised as satire
Nadeem F. Paracha is a cultural critic and senior columnist for Dawn Newspaper and Dawn.com. He has also authored a book on the social history of Pakistan called, End of the Past.