By Ghulam Ghaus Siddiqi, New Age Islam
25 July 2020
The permissibility of Love between a male and a
female, for whom Islam has allowed marriage, depends upon how the meaning of
love is sensed by them. If the love is confined to some attraction towards a
female with the notion of marriage proposal, this is permissible in Islam as a
natural phenomenon, as long as the two parties do not transgress the limits set
by Allah Almighty. With this condition properly maintained, the love, from
Islamic perspective, can be seen as a true, genuine and rather spiritual relation.
Let us see some Quranic verses in this regard;
“And there is no sin on you in that you propose to
such women for marriage by indirect hint or conceal what you have in your
hearts. Allah knows that soon you will remember them. But, make no secret contract
with them, except to say to them only that which is known in law” (2:235)
This verse was specifically revealed with regard to
the widows who should compulsorily complete the waiting period after the death
of the husband. During this period of waiting, these women should abstain from
marriage. It is also prohibited for a man to explicitly propose the widow for
marriage but he can conceal his desire for marriage with her in his heart or
make indirect proposal for marriage during this period. After the waiting
period of the widow, he can make explicit proposal to her for marriage as well.
From this verse, we can also learn the view about
non-widows that if a person is attracted towards a non-widow woman whom it is
permissible for him to marry, he has two options; either to directly or
indirectly propose her for marriage or conceal his feeling of attraction in his
heart and not go beyond the limits set by Allah Almighty.
On the contrary, those who think the love involves
illicit affairs, courtship, dating or any modes of unlawful sexual activities
should know that there is no room for any illicit affairs or physical
relationship whatsoever before marriage. The Quran clearly says, “And do not
even approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and
an evil way to follow” (17:32).
In another verse, Allah Almighty says, “And do
not go near shameful acts, whether they are open or secret.” (6:151)
Shameful acts translate ‘Fawahish’ (sing. Fahishah).
The word ‘Fawahish’ often connote sexual transgressions; however, here
it more likely refers to shameful acts and moral transgression of all sorts.
Avoiding such sins both outwardly and inwardly demonstrate true piety, for if
one were to shun sin publicly, but commit it privately, it would mean that
one’s intention was simply to avoid public blame and not to obey the God’s
commands.
Warnings about the evil of and divine punishment
for adultery or fornication (often referred to as ‘indecency’) are also found
in other Quranic verses, such as 4:15, 24-25, 6:151, 24:2-3, 25:68,
33:30.
Love in the spiritual sense is a natural phenomenon
and can take its root in one’s heart at any time. From Islamic perspective,
this love is truly natural and can be genuine and safe as long as one does not
cross the limits set by Allah Almighty as mentioned above. If the sort of love
leads the lover or the beloved to face the divine displeasure or wrath, it is
not the love permissible in Islam. Instead it can be termed ‘fake or false form
in the name of love’ which involves the cause of hurting towards each other in
the world as well as the Hereafter.
The sort of love between a male and a female can be
safe, genuine and taken to a higher culmination, through the implementation of
the following hadith;
The Prophet peace be upon him is reported to have
said, “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one
another than marriage.” (Ibn Maajah, 1847, classed as Authentic (Sahih)
In the case of a person loving to marry a woman,
Islam has recommended the two parties to see each other in the presence of
their family members before going through with marriage procedures. This is
essential because it is not good for both of them to be thrown into marriage
and be expected to lead a happy marital life full of love and affection, when
they have no idea about each other. Knowing of each other before marriage
procedures is permissible in the presence of family members. The following hadith
is its basis.
It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah
that he proposed a woman for marriage, and the Prophet (peace and blessings be
upon him) said, “Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create
love between you.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087, al-Nasaa’i,
3235)
The reason of permissibility of looking at each
other before marriage is to make them understand each other, which will create
happy and lovely life after marriage. This idea does not contradict the Quranic
verse that says, “…believing men and women should lower their gaze” (24:30)
because lowering gaze as enjoined in this verse is to save one from the bad
intentions which might result into unlawful lusts and passions. Since for the
unlawful sexual passion, the very first act is casting eye with bad motive and
its ultimate result might be adultery. Both these acts are clearly prohibited
in the Quran and all other acts falling in between, such as touching hands,
kissing and sexual conversation or chatting are included by implication.
As for the permissibility of looking at each other
before marriage as enjoined in the hadith mentioned above, this should
be with the intention of simply knowing of each other, likes and dislikes;
which generally helps them for getting a nice choice and preparation for
developing good marital relationship, because a happy marital life is one of
the most beloved acts before Allah Almighty.
A regular Columnist with NewAgeIslam.com, Ghulam Ghaus
Siddiqi Dehlvi is an Alim and Fazil (Classical Islamic scholar), with a
Sufi-Sunni background and English-Arabic-Urdu Translator. He has also done B.A
(Hons.) in Arabic, M.A. in Arabic and M.A in English from JMI, New Delhi. He is
Interested in Islamic Sciences; Theology, Jurisprudence, Tafsir, Hadith and
Islamic mysticism (Tasawwuf).
URL: https://newageislam.com/islamic-q-a/islam-allow-falling-love/d/122467