Muslim Women in the Family: Domestic Violence Is Not Always Overt; Traditional Patriarchal Supremacy, Whether Emanating From Religious Or Ethnic Sources, Must Be Challenged
By
Grace Mubashir, New Age Islam
16 December
2022
Islam Sees Remarriage As A Very Simple And
Natural Thing. It Was Very Widespread In Islamic Culture. Therefore, Divorce Is
Not A Life-Changing Event For A Woman
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Some
instances of domestic violence do not take the form of overt assaults. It may
be a look, a word, a facial expression, or mere silence. There will be many
suppressed rights, needs, dreams and desires. This passive violence often takes
the form of oppression that women experience in the home. Because it does not
seem like violence and injustice, many people face such open statements with
the questions 'What is your problem here?'
Homes are
an important site of violence against women. Male-centred family structures and
concepts of family are often discussed through experiences of the role they
play in disenfranchising women and through art forms that express such
experiences. Such discussions, which challenge patriarchal supremacy, often
lead to differences in religion and customs.
An analysis
of the family structure and the rights and responsibilities of women and men in
the family is going to be discussed in this article.
Reading
Islamic law from a social environment where women are oppressed within various
power structures can seem discriminatory. Because in the social environment
practiced according to the concept of Islam, whether Muslims accept it or not,
woman has individuality, freedom and dignity. It is relevant to inquire whether
what appears to be discrimination is discrimination based on religious
practices where a woman is not able to enjoy the benefits of Islamic culture
and move forward. Or is it emanating from local culture and traditional ethnic
practices?
Islam does
not approach things as if men and women are equal in everything. There are
complementary rights and obligations. In that, the woman is legally bound by
very minimal obligations according to her physical and familial characteristics.
If we look at the Islamic teachings on family life, we can see a life of
dignity, pride and independent individuality is guaranteed.
Marriage is
an important occasion in one's life. Both men and women can make a free
decision on who to take as a life partner. Parents have no authority over it,
though in practice mostly parents make the choices. If the marriage takes place
without the girl's interest and consent, or before her marriageable age, she
has the right to terminate the relationship. The right to determine and receive
the Mahr is entirely hers. After the marriage, her food, clothing and shelter
are his responsibility. Those who are capable of fulfilling these obligations
can only marry.
The ability
to provide food and clothing is generally considered most important in our
country. But, generally, one's own accommodation is not considered at the time
of marriage. In a social environment where the joint family system is
considered sacred, even those who are not capable of owning their own houses
should live away from the family for a few years. Those who move away soon
after marriage will be labelled as having no family love. But the Islamic
culture gives more importance to the privacy of the couple.
Once
married, couples are encouraged to transplant their lives into their own
private spaces. If she finds it difficult to live in a joint family, it is the
responsibility of the financially capable husband to arrange for his own
accommodation. Fiqh scholars or Islamic jurists have clearly pointed out this
condition. Two reasons are important for not promoting joint family system. The
first is privacy for couples. In situations where we have to share everything
with each other and live together, we are unable to express our love and
affection. That is why, according to some, there is a need for a separate
kitchen for couples who are unable to move in on their own. People who practice
it can be seen in some states of India.
The latter
is part is of the moral teachings of Islam. It is difficult to live in a house
where Namahrams (those who are not forbidden to marry) including the
husband's brothers, hide the body and observe the limits of relations with
other men. Moral boundaries are often violated. To avoid it, it is said to move
to private places.
When it
comes to a wife's obligations to her husband, consideration of his sexual needs
and preferences is counted as a significant obligation. Mahr is also associated
with it. Half of the Mahr can be bought back if the relationship ends
before physical intercourse. The ruling of Shariah is that one should not buy
anything from Mahr after physical intercourse. Prophetic teachings
forbid men's one-sided passions in sexual relations. It is demanded that the
tastes and pleasures of women should be fully considered. This ensures that her
sexual rights are not violated and mutual love emerges in the family life.
Fiqh
scholars point out that the wife's duties include not letting people disliked
by the husband into the house and protecting his wealth in his absence.
Anything beyond that is not taught as
obligatory duties to be performed by the wife. Cooking, washing clothes and
other cleaning activities are not taught as duties of the wife. If there is a
practice of hiring domestic servants, if she demands, a maid should be assigned
by the husband if it is within his capacity. Some scholars of Fiqh also suggest
that if the wife takes care of the housework herself, she can ask for wages for
housework. Legal maintenance of children is the responsibility of the husband.
Therefore, if the wife belongs to the category that is not used to doing
housework, then the husband should make other arrangements for it.
Imam
Qasani, a prominent scholar of Hanafi jurisprudence, says in the book 'Al
Badaa', "If the husband brings food
that needs to be cooked, if the wife finds it difficult to cook it, it is the
responsibility of the husband to bring food that is ready to eat." Abu
Ishaq Shirazi of the Shafi'i Madhhab says in his Al Muhaddab; "Grinding
rice, cooking and washing clothes are not the wife's responsibility. What is
not the husband's sexual needs does not come under the category of obligation”.
The Maliki Madhhab also holds a similar opinion, but a distinction can be seen
between wives who require servants and wives who do not. Housework is not the
wife's responsibility in the Hambali Madhhab, if such is the practice of a
country.
But some
have suggested that when Fatima (RA) approached the Prophet (PBUH) asking for a
servant, the Prophet (PBUH) refused her and taught her some Dhikr (oral
chanting) to lighten the burden of work, so that the housework should be done
by the wife. But others have considered this hadith not in the sense that
housework is an obligation, as it is generally done by women, but as a form of
advice for daughters. If it is in the sense of obligation, then the dominant Mazhabs
should have seen it that way. In short, there are no definitive Shariah
rulings that legally oblige women to do housework. But, the husband's
obligations have been clearly stated in Sharia.
In the
discussion whether breast-feeding the baby falls under the mandatory obligation
of the mother, Fiqh law states that it is the right of the baby to have breast
milk available and the obligation to provide it is the duty of the father. Find
other people to breastfeed if the mother refuses. A mother is obligated to
breastfeed only when no one else is available. Surrogate breastfeeding was a
widespread practice in Arabian culture. Islam did not abrogate it but defined
the relationship of weaning as sacred as the relationship of blood. As there
are no such practices in our country, it naturally becomes the mother's
responsibility.
The man
bears all the significant responsibilities for obligations in the marital
relationship. Therefore, corresponding powers are also given to protect the
coherence of family. A man's guardianship over women does not deny her right to
individual space and identity.
Women's
proportional reduction in property rights and man's right to parentage are not
discriminatory as men are more heavily burdened with responsibilities and
obligations within the family structure envisioned by Islam. Understanding the
husband's life's work and the burden of compulsory social work interactions,
although not from the legal framework of obligations, treating him well and
making him happier and easier should be understood as a part of coexistence in
married life. But the reality is that when women are not accorded any dignity
and individuality in this sense, all views of male-female inequality are
perceived as discriminatory.
Islam sees
remarriage as a very simple and natural thing. It was very widespread in
Islamic culture. Therefore, divorce is not a life-changing event for a woman.
But our society has made remarriage a very difficult and complicated situation.
Naturally, in such a situation, divorce in Islam is understood as misogynistic.
Even when
things are as described above, marital relationship and family life is not an
area to proceed only on the basis of rights and obligations and law. Love and
compassion are the foundation of that relationship. Love and mercy have no
rules in Fiqh but it is totally subjective and emotional. It is important to
move forward in mutual understanding and cooperation. Because men and women
have complementary duties to fulfil the tasks of this world. Since the husband
has the financial responsibility of the family, going to work is mandatory. It is
a part of cohabitation that the wife relieves other burdens and makes it
possible for him to go ahead with his work happily. It is important to give the
wife due respect as she is the one who helps her husband by doing housework and
doing things beyond her obligations. Now, if both of them are going to work,
they should cooperate and help each other in household matters. On the issue of
joint family too, compromises beyond the rules would be necessary. It is the
interest of Islamic teachings that parents should always be with their children
in situations where they need their presence and should be very careful and
considerate to activate the relationship when they are not.
Along with
that, Urf (practices of each land) is considered by Islam. In terms of
housework and joint family, our country has different practices from Arabian
Muslim cultures. Such practices are not necessarily exempt as long as they do
not conflict with Islamic Sharia. To be able to build a house during marriage
is something that only a very small minority in our situation can do. If you
insist on it, things will get complicated in the current situation. But the
environment that understands its importance should be consciously created and
there should be preferences in the form of making everyone aware that joint
family is not so sacred and that spouses want a life where they get more
privacy.
It is not
against the Sharia to follow local customs regarding housework. But the most
important thing is that there should be no denial of justice and no violence
while following the practices. When examined at that level, it is a reality
that violence often arises in the name of protecting conservative norms. It is
not permissible. A peaceful environment is important, but peace without justice
is the peace of the few.
It should
be seen as a problem that women are overloaded with work at home in such a way
that they do not have time for the relationship with Allah, the meticulousness
of rituals, and spiritual matters such as Dhikr, Dua and Salat.
It is in the interest of justice for her to realize that there is injustice if
she loses her own spiritual rights and freedom of expression because she has to
engage in things that are not legally binding.
Where the
Qur'an speaks of marriage, it refers to spouses as 'Min Anfusikum' (those
who are from you, 30-21). That is, the person who comes into your life is a
person with skills, flaws, desires, dreams, sorrows and joys just like you. One
should proceed by understanding and understanding each other and making
compromises. Respecting each other as independent individuals and treating each
other accordingly is important in relationships.
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A regular columnist for NewAgeIslam.com, Mubashir
V.P is a PhD scholar in Islamic Studies at Jamia Millia Islamia and freelance
journalist.
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