Prophet Muhammad ﷺ: Never Address Children with Demeaning or Derogatory Language
By
Nur Choudhury
18 February
2021
In Islam,
the significance of familial relationships is emphasised repeatedly. The family
is regarded as the cornerstone of a believing and functioning society, and it
certainly would not be an exaggeration to state that if the family system was
to crumble, the fabric of the community itself would be weakened. It is within
the family environment that children are introduced to, and instilled with, the
values and principles of Islam in order that they may become adults that not
only identify as Muslim but are faithful believers and good people.
Parenthood
has always been demanding, but in these changing and unpredictable times, it is
only natural for parents to worry about how they can nurture and educate the
next generation of Muslims. There are a range of modern challenges that our
children are presented with as they grow up, and it is essential that we are
present to help them navigate the complexities and difficulties of life in the
real world. When seeking guidance on parenting, there is no example more
perfect than that of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sall Allāhu ‘Alayhi Wa
Sallam).
The Prophet
has always been an exemplary model of human behaviour in every aspect of his
life, and fatherhood is certainly no exception. Through Ahādīth describing the
words and actions of the Prophet, we can derive invaluable insights that will
enable us to emulate (at least to some extent) his exalted conduct. On the
topic of parenting, there is one hadīth that is particularly insightful and
meaningful, and it is from this Hadīth that we can learn many lessons of
parenting:
Anas
reported: “The Messenger of Allāh had the best disposition among people. One
day, he sent me on an errand and I said, ‘By Allāh, I will not go,’ but it was
in my mind that I would do as the Messenger of Allāh had ordered me. I went
until I came upon some children playing in the street, then the Messenger of
Allāh arrived, and he caught me by the back of my neck from behind. As I looked
at him, I found him smiling, and he said, ‘Unays, did you go where I asked you
to go?’ I said, ‘O Messenger of Allāh, yes I am going.’”
Leila Ablyazova / Shutterstock
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It is well-documented that the Prophet could connect with everyone he conversed with on a spiritual and emotional level. He would touch the mind, heart, and soul of whoever interacted with him. The following are six lessons contained within the aforementioned Hadīth, which essentially comprise a concise treatise on how to guide and advise children in a way that will encompass them in the warmth, love, and light of revelation.
1)
Children Are Not Particularly Fond Of Chores
At the time
of the narration, Anas was quite young, so when he is first asked to do this
chore, he initially expresses his reluctance by saying, “By Allāh, I will not
go.” This reaction is universal for every child. Whilst it is no doubt crucial
that children contribute to the household, it is important to involve children
in household tasks with compassion and patience rather than coercion.
2) A
Stable Relationship Fosters Obedience and Understanding
Even though
Anas did not particularly want to do the chore, he still decided to do as the
Prophet requested of him. This is only possible because their relationship was
based on respect and love. Within our own homes, our children will be more
likely to listen to and follow our decisions if we have a strong relationship
with them.
3)
Children Are Incredibly Inquisitive and Easily Distracted
Even though
Anas resolved to do the chore that was requested of him, he became distracted
by the sight of children playing in the streets. This is a scenario that parents
have experienced on countless occasions, and it is crucial that we do not
become frustrated or exasperated when our children do this. Children are not
being wilfully disobedient when they do this – they can easily forget to follow
something through because of their natural curiosity and limited attention
span.
4) Never
Resort To Anger in This Situation
When the
Prophet found Anas playing in the street after having become distracted and
forgetting the chore, his reaction is beautiful: he smiles. The Prophet
understood that his response to the situation would significantly influence the
reaction of Anas. We can learn from this by exercising patience with our
children, because positivity only leads to positivity, and our children will
therefore be more receptive to our advice.
5) Never
Address Children with Demeaning or Derogatory Language
In moments
of frustration, we can sometimes use terms or phrases that will upset,
discourage, and turn our children away. When Anas became distracted, the
Prophet called out to him with the name ‘Unays’. This is a loving and
affectionate diminutive form of the name ‘Anas’, and one that immediately
reassures Anas that the Prophet is not disappointed or angry in him.
6) Never
Rely Upon Assumptions to Pass Misinformed Judgements upon Children
Rather than
admonish Anas, the Prophet gave him the opportunity to not only explain himself
but to also resolve the situation through his own initiative. Anas was given
the autonomy to make the right decision for himself, and that is what he does.
Instead of immediately admonishing our children and creating a confrontational
situation, we could instead give them the chance to make amends for themselves.
The beauty
of Islam is that even the simplest of statements or actions can have an immense
depth of meaning and purpose. Contained within this Hadīth are pearls of wisdom
that should be treasured by every parent hoping to keep their children on the
right path. In order to do this, we must learn how to interact and communicate
with children on terms with which they can understand and relate. This Hadīth
is a wonderful example of Islam’s comprehensive and loving approach to
parenthood, because it demonstrates the Prophet Muhammad’s innate understanding
of the psychological and emotional needs of children.
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Nur
Choudhury is a Parenting Consultant, Author, and founder of Involved Fathers,
which empowers and up skills Fathers to be more involved and nurturing to their
children. Nur holds a Diploma in Child Psychology as well as Certificates in
Life Coaching and Counselling.
Original
Headline: Six Lessons of Parenting from the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ
Source: The Islam 21
URL: https://newageislam.com/islam-spiritualism/prophet-muhammad-?-address-children/d/124332
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