Life as Pastor Married to Muslim
By Chinelo Obogo
October 18, 2014
Two religions that are poles apart, find meeting point in Mayowa Ikuforiji, wife of the Speaker of the Lagos State House of Assembly, Adeyemi Ikuforiji. She is a pastor and her husband is a staunch Muslim.
In an interview with Chinelo Obogo, she spoke of her challenges and noted that the difference in religion has never affected their 30-year old marriage.
Your husband is a politician and the number three Lagos State citizen, what have been your challenges?
I don’t see any challenge in it. It is only that his job makes him not to have sufficient time for the family, as we would have wanted him to. That has been the challenge. Most of the times, I have to call him on the phone when we need to discuss. Even in the midnight he receives calls from people, so sometimes, I switch off his phones so that he can get some rest.
Have there been times you felt the demand of his job was taking toll on you and the family?
As a human being, there were times that I felt that he is too busy, but as a Christian, I believe that whatever you find yourself doing, do it well. I believe that I should not stand as an obstacle to that, rather, I should understand that he is on an assignment that God has given to him, and so I should support him to succeed.
Most times, people believe women control
men. To what extent do you influence his decisions as the Speaker of the House?
The position of the Speaker is not an executive position; it is a position that any of the lawmakers could occupy. I realised early that I am not superior to the wife of any other lawmaker in the Assembly and my husband is not superior to any of the lawmakers. It is just that there must be a leader and God has put him there and others have graciously given him the position to be the leader. I respect the other lawmakers a lot. Though I am older than most of them, I give them their due respect. Most of them are my personal friends; I am closer to some of them even more than their wives.
So, what is the relationship between you
and their wives?
We have the Lagos State Legislators Wives Association (LASLEWA). I met it on ground; the wife of the former speaker, Olorunnimbe Mamora, started it. So, I just believe that we should gather once in a while and pray for our husbands that God should guide them. Also, we do some teachings about housekeeping, proper etiquette and all that; we have doctors, lawyers, and engineers in our midst. So, it is a social avenue, I always know if any of them is troubled. I have a way of finding out and I try to come in to solve the problem.
You are a pastor and your husband, a
Muslim. Your religions are poles apart, so, how do you cope?
So many people have asked me this question, I come from a Christian home, my father was an elder in the Christ Apostolic Church (CAC) and my mother is also a Christian. I married my husband as a Muslim, but he studied abroad, so he has a wider outlook on life and he is not a fanatic. When I told my father I wanted to marry a Muslim, he actually asked me a question and gave me six months to go and think about it. He said, ‘why do you want to marry a Muslim?’ After six months, I went back to him and told him I stand by my decision. He told me that as a Christian, I cannot divorce when I marry him. But, I thank God that 30 years after we got married; I have no cause to regret. Whatever challenges we have had has never been because he is a Muslim, it can happen anywhere because no marriage is extremely perfect.
We have had our ups and downs, but God has helped us. I believe sincerely that there is no difference between Islam and Christianity. Islam preaches ‘don’t commit adultery,’ Christianity preaches the same thing, ‘be nice to people’, ‘be a giver’ and all that, are the same in the two religions. Anyone that goes outside the Quran to do some other thing is on his own. Initially, he wanted me to be a Muslim; probably I would have joined him. But, there was a period in my life, when I was very ill, though everything seemed okay, within me I knew I was not okay. That was around 1998, during the first Holy Ghost Congress of the Redeemed Christian Church of God tagged Lekki 1998, with the theme: ‘Divine Visitation.’ I was actually visited by God, I went with my daughter, and actually it took us hours to get there. I then said; ‘God, you have to heal me here today, if you cannot heal me, I want to die here.’ That was what I said and since then, I have never been admitted in the hospital. In my prayer, I said, ‘God, if you heal me, I am going to serve you as a Christian till I die.’ It is like I made a vow to God, there is no way I can go back. I believe that the sickness came because God wanted me to serve Him in the Christian way. My husband understands that, so he doesn’t bother me.
Who do the children follow in this
regard?
They are all grown up now and I have not really forced my religion on them. I think my son is more inclined towards Islam. My husband takes him to Saudi Arabia for Umrah regularly. But maybe my girls would practice Christianity. There was a period they were going to NASFAT, but they are up to marriageable ages now, but as girls they might probably take to the religion of their husbands.
As a pastor, what do you think are the most
fundamental issues a woman should consider in a man before getting married?
The most important thing a woman should look out for is if the man has the fear of God. This is because, if you have the fear of God, there are certain things you would not do whether you are a Muslim or Christian. If you marry a man who can do anything, you are in for trouble. But if you marry a man who fears God, then all would be okay. Really, in the South West in Nigeria, we don’t have problems with Muslims marrying Christians or vice versa, because in most families, you have Muslims and Christians. In my mother’s family, my uncles are Muslims and the women are Christians. It is like that almost everywhere, so that one is not a problem. A God fearing man should not see himself as superior.
In my marriage, besides God, my mother-in-law has been another factor and she was very close to me before she died. The first thing she gave me when I married her son was a seat. She said that the seat meant I would be with her son forever. As if she knew she was passing on, she told me that whatever my son does to me, I should never leave him. I had to give her my word that I would never leave him for any reason. So, whenever there was any storm, I would remember the words of the old woman and endure, the woman was a very prayerful Muslim.
Did you advise your husband against
joining politics?
I didn’t marry him as a politician and I never told him not to join politics. I saw his plan to join politics as a way of serving the nation, so, I never looked at the bad side at all. Maybe, if I had discouraged him, he wouldn’t have joined politics. Of course, he told me he wanted to go to the state House of Assembly and become the speaker. But I didn’t really know what being speaker was. I just felt he was going to politics, become the speaker and be the head of the legislature. Along the line, I discovered that it is not easy to be a politician. In fact, my female children said that their future husbands would be made to sign an undertaking that they would never be politicians because of all the scandals the press writes about their father. It is not easy when you read unsavoury things about your father in the newspapers and you know that they are not true. I am immune to that; there was a journalist who wrote terrible things about my husband concerning women. Later, he wanted to interview me towards my husband’s 50th birthday, I said, ‘since you know the girlfriends of my husband, you can go and interview one of them,’ and he was shocked. Initially, I felt bad about some of these things, but after some time, I became immune to them. Most of the times, I call him and tell him on the phone before he gets home. Recently, it was written on a blog site that somebody had a baby boy for him, I called him and said ‘congratulations to us, we should now celebrate the arrival of a baby boy,’ and that it is an addition to the family. He just said that I should leave them that those people are not serious. I am 50 years old, and at this stage, such things do not bother me.
Are you not afraid that your husband
could practice polygamy someday as a Muslim?
If he has not been a polygamist in 30 years of our marriage, is it now that he would be thinking about that?
At 50, you look good. What is the
secret?
It has been the grace of God; I really don’t have a beauty routine. Actually, I was fatter than I am now two years ago; I was size 16, now I am 12. I made up my mind to watch what I put into my mouth about two years before my 50th birthday, most especially, when you are approaching menopause as a woman. Don’t think there is no problem because there might be problems. I cut down my eating, I eat little food, and people have called me in several places to talk about nutrition because they could see that it worked for me. Most people might not be able to do some of the things I do, for instance I eat garlic and onions raw everyday. It got to a stage that I became so used to it, how many people can do that? Sometimes, I don’t eat for two days; I just go on warm water.
Source:
http://sunnewsonline.com/new/?p=86642
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