By Tarek Fatah
October 30th, 2013
Did you know we're just completing what Canada's Parliament has declared as "Islamic History Month"?
Yes, all Octobers in Canada shall be an opportunity for you infidels to learn from my people.
Learn about our often bloody history of conquest and enlightenment, including how we Muslims slaughtered our own Prophet Mohammed's family, right up to modern times when we committed genocides in Bangladesh and Darfur and tried to kill innocent school girls like Malala Yousafzai.
It's amazing how Canada is providing us Muslims the opportunity to reconcile the crimes and accomplishments of our forefathers, without us having to fear for our lives.
So, now that we have allotted October to Muslims, how about designating every month of the year as a "History Month" for all the religious (and other) groups in Canada?
Let us start with the Sikhs and designate November as "Sikh History Month".
And what better month to designate as "Christian History Month" than December?
If Catholics and Protestants do not wish to share December, we can have a coin toss and the loser gets January.
We are now left with seven more months (February, as you all know, is already designated as "Black History Month") to distribute to the other dozen or so religious communities of Canada.
Here is how I propose we should designate the remaining months of the year (and I am hoping some bright MPs in the House of Commons are listening):
January: Catholic or Protestant History Month, depending on who loses the coin toss
February: Black History Month
March: Baha'i History Month
April: Hindu History Month
May: Shinto History Month
June: Buddhist History Month
July: Jain History Month
August: Zoroastrian History Month
September: Rastafarian History Month
October: Well, we all know this month now belongs to my people.
November: Sikh History Month
December: Winner of the coin toss between Catholics and Protestants
So there you have it. And while we're at it, let's just change the names of the months and give them names of religions.
So, for example, today's date would be 30 Islam, 2013 and Canada Day will fall on the 1st of Jain every year.
Wait a minute? Did we forget someone? Ah ha! The Jews!
Don't they deserve a month to tell their history?
Nah! The Jews have Israel; they can blow their own trumpets over there.
Compared to us Muslims, who have only 54 countries to live in, yet apparently no place to call home, the Jews have it so easy.
Spirit Of Equality
But now we are still left with Cheondoism, Tenrikyo, Wicca, Seicho-no-Ie, Scientology, Eckankar, Raelism, Druidry and the good old LaVeyan Satanism from the Great Satan himself, just south of the border.
Perhaps we should add a few extra months to the year to accommodate all religious groups in the spirit of equality.
Indeed, the Ottawa police force is already a step ahead of me.
All this month they have been celebrating Islamic History Month with a banner strung up across their headquarters, declaring their partnership with Islamic groups.
I am told Chief Charles Bordeleau has gone out of his way to learn the history of Islam and the Muslim community.
Perhaps one question that should be asked during Islamic History Month is why so many Muslims leave Islamic countries to live among non-Muslims, while so few non-Muslims apply for citizenship in Saudi Arabia, Pakistan or Iran, the triad of countries that runs modern Islamdom?