The Curse of Dowry: An age-old Indian Custom that Still Takes Lives Every Single Day
By Ghulam Ghaus Siddiqi, New Age Islam
03 June 2026
An Outdated Custom That Pushes Parents into Debt and Anxiety, Crushes the Dreams of Daughters, Destroys Family Happiness, and Consumes the Highest Values of Humanity
A few days ago, I read Lalita Panicker’s article, India’s Fight against Dowry Must Continue, published in the Hindustan Times. The article is not merely a piece of journalism; it is a knock on the wounded conscience of our society. On the surface, we have entered the twenty-first century. We speak proudly of artificial intelligence, space exploration, digital economies, women’s education, and social progress. Yet, alongside these achievements, there survives a social disease that continues to devastate thousands of households every year. That disease is dowry.
Often presented as a harmless social custom, dowry is, in reality, another name for injustice, exploitation, economic coercion, and moral decline. Behind the ceremonial gifts and cultural justifications lies a system that has burdened families, humiliated women, and transformed one of life's most sacred relationships into a financial transaction.
In her article, Lalita Panicker refers to several tragic incidents in which young women from non-Muslim communities lost their lives under suspicious circumstances. In many of these cases, demands for dowry, pressure from in-laws, financial greed, and societal indifference appear prominently in the background. These incidents are not merely newspaper stories or temporary headlines that disappear after a few days. Rather, they constitute a profound moral question engraved upon the collective conscience of our society; a question that demands an answer from all of us.
What is particularly disturbing is that the scourge of dowry is no longer confined to any one community, caste, or social group. Its poisonous effects have spread far and wide. Sadly, the Muslim community too has not remained immune from this social disease.
This is perhaps one of the greatest ironies of our time. The religion that sought to make marriage simple, that established mahr as a right belonging to the woman, and that laid the foundations of dignity, respect, and financial security for women, now finds some of its followers participating in practices that impose cruel and unjust burdens upon the families of daughters.
It is deeply regrettable that certain people who identify themselves as adherents of Islam feel little shame in demanding dowry, either openly or indirectly, from the bride’s family. Some may not articulate their demands in explicit terms, yet social expectations, subtle pressures, and material ambitions often convey the same message: that the worth of a bride is to be measured not by her character, education, piety, or humanity, but by the wealth and possessions she brings into her husband’s home.
Such attitudes are not merely socially harmful; they strike at the very spirit of justice and compassion that lies at the heart of a civilized society.
The question, therefore, is not simply whether dowry should be legally prohibited. The larger question is why a practice that causes such immense suffering continues to survive despite legal restrictions, public awareness campaigns, educational advancement, and economic development. Why do parents still spend years accumulating wealth, selling property, borrowing money, and sinking into debt merely to arrange the marriage of their daughters? Why do young women continue to live under the shadow of a system that often treats them as economic liabilities rather than cherished members of society?
Historically, dowry in South Asia evolved through a complex interaction of customary practices, social stratification, and economic considerations. Whatever its historical origins may have been, its contemporary manifestation has increasingly become associated with coercion, financial pressure, and gender-based injustice. A tradition that may once have been defended as voluntary gifting has, in many cases, transformed into a system of expectation and demand. What was presented as affection gradually became obligation, and what was once portrayed as generosity has often become a source of exploitation and suffering.
These are questions that deserve serious reflection, not only from lawmakers and social activists but also from religious scholars, educators, community leaders, and ordinary citizens.
For unless society confronts the moral roots of the dowry system, legal reforms alone will never be sufficient. A custom sustained by greed, social prestige, and misplaced cultural values cannot be eradicated merely through legislation. It must first be challenged in the minds of people and in the moral framework through which they view marriage, family, and human dignity.
The reality is that when thousands of women every single year become victims of dowry-related crimes, harassment, domestic violence, suicide, or suspicious deaths, the problem can no longer be dismissed as the misconduct of a few individuals or the actions of a handful of criminal minds. [Refer to crime data from the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) data.] It becomes a symptom of a much deeper crisis—a crisis rooted in our social structure, collective morality, and patterns of family upbringing. Under such circumstances, the question is not merely who committed the crime. We must also ask what kind of social mind-set emboldened the perpetrators, silenced the victims, and reassured the consciences of those who chose to remain spectators.
Dowry is not simply a problem affecting a few unfortunate households. It is a collective social disease that has transformed love into a financial transaction, marriage into a commercial arrangement, and daughters, who ought to be regarded as a blessing, into perceived economic liabilities. Unless this underlying mentality is confronted and reformed, neither legislation nor temporary waves of public outrage will be sufficient to eradicate this deeply entrenched evil.
The fundamental question, therefore, is why dowry continues to survive despite stringent laws, educational advancement, growing awareness among women, and decades of social campaigning. The answer lies not merely in weaknesses of enforcement but in a psychological and moral crisis that has gripped our collective consciousness. We have increasingly begun to measure even the sacred institution of marriage through the lens of economic value. As a result, a young man's education, professional success, government position, or overseas residence cease to be indicators of his personal accomplishments and instead become determinants of his "market value." Marriage thus risks becoming not a covenant of affection and mutual commitment between two human beings, but a silent auction conducted under the guise of tradition.
Perhaps the greatest tragedy of the dowry system is that it undermines a woman's dignity and self-worth. Embedded within the practice is the assumption that a daughter, by herself, is not valuable enough to be welcomed into her husband's family without an accompanying financial package. Her parents are expected to provide wealth, possessions, or material assets in order to secure her acceptance and status within her marital home. Such a notion is not only an insult to women; it also raises serious questions about the character, self-respect, and independence of men. Why should an educated and financially capable young man require the life savings of a struggling father to begin his married life? Why should the burden of establishing a household fall disproportionately upon the family of the bride?
Economists have long pointed out that dowry represents a form of unjust transfer of wealth. The consequences are visible across society. Thousands of families sink into debt, sell agricultural land or property, exhaust lifelong savings, and sometimes face financial ruin simply to arrange the marriage of a daughter. In this sense, dowry is not merely a moral wrong; it is also a social mechanism that perpetuates poverty, deepens economic inequality, and widens the gap between the privileged and the vulnerable.
Lalita Panicker draws attention to another painful and uncomfortable reality. At times, parents themselves, often unintentionally, become participants in the continuation of this injustice. They may know that their daughter is facing humiliation, emotional abuse, relentless demands, and psychological suffering in her marital home. They may be fully aware that her dignity is being eroded and that her life is being consumed by fear and anxiety rather than peace and security. Yet, driven by social pressure, fear of public embarrassment, and the desire to preserve what is often described as "family honour," they repeatedly send her back into the very environment that is causing her suffering.
Such silence and inaction can inadvertently become one of the greatest sources of strength for the oppressors. Every act of endurance imposed upon a victim is often interpreted by the abuser as permission to continue.
The truth is that in any civilized and dignified society, the life, dignity, and physical and mental well-being of an individual must take precedence over artificial notions of family prestige. Unfortunately, attitudes such as "What will people say?", "The family will lose face if the marriage breaks down," "How will society react?" or "A woman must endure everything for the sake of marriage" continue to shape decisions in many households. These assumptions sometimes compel even loving parents to make choices that ultimately harm the very daughters they seek to protect.
Indeed, social pressure and fear of public judgment often force families into compromises that come at the expense of their daughters' happiness, security, and self-respect. In doing so, they may unknowingly bury their daughters' dreams and aspirations with their own hands. Countless women spend years sacrificing their hopes, ambitions, and sometimes their entire lives in silence. They remain alive, yet confined within a world of fear, humiliation, and deprivation where their confidence, joy, and sense of purpose gradually wither away.
It is therefore imperative that parents place greater value on their daughters' lives, dignity, and happiness than on the opinions of society. No concept of honour can be built upon injustice, and no social tradition can ever be more precious than a human life.
When viewed through the lens of Islamic teachings, the contemporary practice of dowry stands in clear contradiction to both the spirit and the social philosophy of Islam. One of the fundamental objectives of Islamic teachings regarding marriage was to make the institution of nikah simple and accessible, thereby promoting chastity, family stability, and social harmony. Islam sought to remove the burdens and obstacles that make marriage unnecessarily difficult. The Holy Quran explicitly instructs:
"And give women their dowries graciously" (Quran 4:4).
Reflect for a moment on the significance of this command. Islam instructs men to give to women, not to take from them. In many ancient societies, women were regarded as financial burdens and denied economic rights. Islam challenged this mind-set by recognizing women as independent holders of financial rights. It granted them a share in inheritance, established mahr as their exclusive entitlement, and placed upon the husband the responsibility of maintenance and financial support.
Unfortunately, a remarkable contradiction has emerged in many of our societies today. Mahr has been reduced to a symbolic formality, while dowry has acquired the status of an unofficial obligation. What Islamic command designated as a woman's right has often been neglected, while a custom with no basis in the Shariah has been elevated into a social necessity. This is not merely a social distortion; it represents a departure from the Islamic principle of justice itself.
The consequences of dowry extend far beyond the marriage ceremony. In many families, daughters are deprived of their rightful inheritance, and this injustice is often justified by claiming that they had already received dowry at the time of marriage. Such reasoning is fundamentally flawed from both a legal and Islamic perspective. Dowry cannot serve as a substitute for inheritance. Inheritance is a divinely mandated right established by Allah, whereas dowry is merely a social custom. Yet, tragically, many communities have preserved the non-religious custom while practically abandoning the religious obligation.
From a psychological perspective, dowry may be understood as the collective institutionalization of greed. It reflects a condition in which individuals begin to measure social status not through character, integrity, or contribution to society, but through their ability to extract wealth from others. This is precisely why the dowry problem cannot be explained solely in terms of poverty or economic need. It is fundamentally a problem of mind-set.
Indeed, the persistence of dowry among educated, affluent, and socially influential families demonstrates that this is not primarily a problem of ignorance. If ignorance alone were responsible, education would have eradicated the practice long ago. The fact that dowry flourishes even among highly educated sections of society suggests that the issue is rooted not in a lack of knowledge but in moral decline.
The struggle against this social evil therefore requires much more than legislation. Laws can punish criminal acts, but they cannot by themselves remove greed, selfishness, materialism, or the desire for social prestige from the human heart. Genuine success in combating dowry will only be achieved when society undergoes a deeper moral transformation, when ethical values are strengthened, religious teachings are understood and implemented sincerely, and family upbringing cultivates respect for human dignity rather than obsession with material gain.
Young men, in particular, have a crucial role to play. They should demonstrate genuine self-respect and moral character by refusing dowry in all its forms. Parents, too, must develop the courage to reject families that attach financial conditions to marriage instead of viewing such demands as indicators of social status or prestige. The measure of a respectable family should be its values and character, not its expectations of material gain.
Religious scholars have undoubtedly spoken against dowry in sermons, lectures, and public addresses for many years. Yet the present circumstances demand that this issue be addressed with greater consistency, urgency, and visibility. The public must be reminded repeatedly that dowry is not simply a social custom that has gone wrong; it is a manifestation of injustice, exploitation, and ethical corruption.
Society itself must also reconsider the standards by which it grants respect and admiration. A person who increases his wealth through dowry should not be regarded as successful, influential, or worthy of praise. Rather, such conduct should be viewed as a moral failure and a betrayal of basic human values. The day society begins to associate the acceptance of dowry with shame rather than prestige will be the day the foundations of this harmful practice begin to crumble.
The truth is that dowry is not merely a problem affecting individual brides or their families. It is a question that concerns the moral future of society itself. When daughters are viewed as burdens and marriage is treated as a business transaction, the values of love, mercy, compassion, and family stability inevitably weaken.
The continuing struggle against dowry is therefore not merely a legal necessity but a moral imperative. Yet this struggle will not be won in police stations and courtrooms alone. Those institutions are necessary, but they address only the symptoms. The real battle must be fought in homes, educational institutions, places of worship, and above all in the hearts and minds of people.
The day we recognize that a daughter is not an economic liability but a blessing entrusted to a family, the day we restore mahr to its rightful status and recognize dowry as a form of injustice, and the day we begin valuing character above wealth in matters of marriage, the decline of this dark tradition will truly begin.
Daughters are not commodities to be priced and exchanged. They are trusts, and trusts are not measured in monetary terms. The tragedy of the dowry system is that it has distorted social thinking to such an extent that its influence is no longer confined to those who demand it. In many cases, even those who give dowry have become captives of the same mind-set, accepting as normal a system that undermines the dignity of their own daughters and perpetuates a cycle of injustice that passes from one generation to the next.
I am personally aware of an incident that illustrates just how deeply the dowry mentality has penetrated our social consciousness. A young man's father approached a family with a marriage proposal and, with complete sincerity and simplicity, stated that they were seeking nothing more than a pious, well-mannered, and virtuous daughter. They had no interest whatsoever in dowry or any form of financial demand.
One might expect such a statement to be received with gratitude and relief. One might assume that the girl's family would thank God for encountering people who valued character over wealth and regarded marriage as a union of families rather than a financial transaction. Yet the reaction was quite different. The girl's parents immediately began to wonder whether there was some hidden defect in the young man. They suspected that there must be some shortcoming, flaw, or undisclosed problem; otherwise, why would anyone in today's world refuse dowry?
This incident is not merely a reflection of one family's thinking. It reveals a much deeper social pathology. When a harmful practice remains entrenched in society for a long period of time, it gradually becomes normalized. Over time, the abnormal begins to appear normal, while virtue itself starts looking unusual and even suspicious.
This is precisely where many of our societies find themselves today. The dowry system has become so widespread that when a person openly rejects it, some people no longer interpret that decision as a sign of integrity, religious conviction, or moral character. Instead, they search for hidden explanations and assume that something must be wrong.
Such reactions demonstrate how profoundly collective thinking can be distorted when an injustice becomes socially accepted. The tragedy is not merely that people continue to demand dowry; the greater tragedy is that many have lost the ability to imagine marriage without it.
The reality is that in many communities an unofficial "price" is assigned to a prospective groom based on his education, profession, government position, foreign residence, or economic standing. In effect, the young man ceases to be viewed as a human being possessing dignity and character and is transformed into a commodity whose value is determined by market considerations.
This mentality is fundamentally incompatible not only with Islamic teachings but also with the most basic principles of human dignity. In any civilized society, the worth of a person should be measured by integrity, trustworthiness, knowledge, compassion, moral conduct, and social responsibility, not by how much money, jewellery, property, or material goods he can extract in exchange for marriage.
Unfortunately, we have reached a stage where the individual who refuses dowry is sometimes viewed with suspicion, while the one who accepts it is regarded as successful, desirable, or worthy of admiration. The reality, of course, is exactly the opposite.
The day society corrects this inverted moral compass, the day character is valued above wealth, humanity above greed, and ethical principles above social customs, the process of dismantling the dowry system will truly begin.
It is also important to remember that the demand for dowry is rarely a temporary desire or a response to genuine financial need. More often, it reflects a form of greed that has no natural limit. Once relationships begin to be evaluated through the lens of material gain rather than affection, sincerity, and human values, expectations rarely end with the receipt of dowry.
Experience repeatedly shows that the demands made before marriage often give way to new demands afterward. What begins as a request for cash may later become a demand for a car. What begins as a demand for household goods may evolve into expectations of further financial assistance. New conditions emerge, new comparisons are made, and new pressures are imposed.
Gradually, the entire relationship can become trapped in a cycle of emotional pressure, psychological manipulation, and financial blackmail.
The bride, who enters her new home hoping for love, respect, companionship, and security, may instead find herself confronted by expectations, criticism, comparisons, and humiliating remarks. Her parents' financial status becomes a recurring subject of discussion, and her dignity is repeatedly undermined. Under such circumstances, the very foundation of the household begins to change.
A home that should have been built upon affection, mercy, and mutual trust becomes vulnerable to resentment, suspicion, tension, and bitterness. The emotional atmosphere of the family is poisoned by material expectations that can never be fully satisfied.
The truth is that relationships built upon greed rarely generate genuine affection. More often, they consume and destroy it. When wealth becomes more important than character, the spirit of human relationships begins to wither. Marriage ceases to be a sacred covenant and gradually turns into a contract driven by material interests.
And when that happens, the very qualities for which families are formed—love, compassion, emotional security, and mutual support—begin to disappear.
This is why dowry should not be viewed merely as a social evil or an outdated custom. It is also a silent destroyer of family happiness, marital stability, and the moral purity of human relationships. Its damage extends far beyond the exchange of money or possessions; it strikes at the very values upon which healthy families and healthy societies are built.
The measure of a society is not how much wealth it accumulates but how it treats its most vulnerable members. A civilization that burdens daughters, bankrupts parents, and commercializes marriage cannot claim moral progress regardless of its technological achievements or economic success. True progress is reflected in justice, compassion, and respect for human dignity.
The struggle against dowry is therefore not merely a campaign against an outdated social custom. It is a struggle for justice over exploitation, character over materialism, and human dignity over greed. It is a struggle to restore marriage to its rightful place as a bond of affection, responsibility, and mutual respect rather than a marketplace transaction.
If future generations are to inherit stronger families and healthier societies, we must challenge not only the practice of dowry but also the mentality that sustains it. The day society ceases to measure human worth in material terms and begins once again to value integrity, compassion, and character above wealth, the foundations of this destructive tradition will begin to crumble.
Only then will daughters be welcomed not as financial burdens but as blessings; only then will marriage become a source of tranquillity rather than anxiety; and only then will society move closer to the moral ideals it so often claims to uphold.
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Referenced Article:
Lalita Panicker, India’s Fight against Dowry Must Continue, Hindustan Times.
Article Link: https://www.hindustantimes.com/opinion/indias-fight-against-dowry-must-continue-101780157842377.html
About the Author: Ghulam Ghaus Siddiqi is an Islamic scholar, translator, and a regular English, Arabic, and Urdu writer for New Age Islam. His writings focus on social reform, refutation of radical ideologies, peace and interfaith harmony, justice and human rights, and scholarly responses to contemporary questions and misconceptions relating to Islam.
URL for Urdu Article: Dowry: A Social Evil Destroying Families and Dignity جہیز: خاندانی تباہی اور انسانی وقار کا دشمن
URL: https://newageislam.com/islamic-society/dowry-curse-custom-that-kills-everyday-/d/140256
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