By Jyoti Punwani
October 23,
2020
There has
always existed a world in India beyond the imagination of fanatics, where
religion is not one’s primary identity
Illustration
for representative purpose. | Photo
Credit: R. Rajesh
-----
I have
lived through the #TanishqAd... my Muslim mother-in-law gifted me a Mangalsutra
and even godhbharai.”
Architect
Rachna Lanewala, who tweeted this at the height of the Tanishq ad controversy
last fortnight, is not the only woman to have “lived through” the experience
depicted in the jewellery advertisement. Almost half a century ago, writer
Saryu Rizvi’s parents would accompany each other to their respective shrines,
be it the temple to get their new car blessed, or to the Karbala Maidan during
Muharram.
There has
always existed a world in India beyond the imagination of fanatics, where
religion is not one’s primary identity, and a Hindu can marry a Muslim without
either of them changing their faith. So, while in 1972, Saryu’s parents,
hailing from Kanpur and Dehradun, could only consider getting married in Delhi,
the question of conversion never came up.
Fully Supportive
Neither did
it come up in 1999 when Aasif Lanewala married his college-mate Rachna, whose
parents, having migrated to Delhi after Partition, had warned her never to
marry a Muslim. More than a thousand attended their Mumbai reception.
In 2012,
journalist Mustafa Plumber, ignoring murmurs from the men in his family,
declared that he wasn’t planning to convert his colleague Prachi Pinglay when
they got married. After his younger brother’s Nikaah, it was Prachi, guided by
Mustafa’s mother, who performed the rituals expected of the eldest Bahu
(daughter-in-law).
The
timeline from Saryu’s parents, who didn’t inform their families about their
civil marriage right away, to Mustafa and Prachi, whose wedding was attended by
both families, has not been a linear one.
Religious
conversions happen even today, but far often than not, it is more a formality
to please the families and not some “jihadi trap” as portrayed by the radical
fringe. Thus Veena’s (name changed) conversion only meant a change in her
official name. Straight after her wedding, her husband accompanied her to
Tirupati for a long-desired pilgrimage.
Elopements
too continue to take place in this world. In 1996, Vidya and Shoaib (names
changed) fled to Vadodara after a secret wedding at the Registrar’s. Both
belonged to joint families that had their own businesses. To their surprise, Shoaib’s
parents called them back and hosted a grand dinner after a Nikaah (marriage
ceremony). Vidya’s uncle too, who had objected the most, became fully
supportive.
Though
Shoaib, despite having grown up in a Muslim locality, happily participated in
Diwali pujas with his Marwari in-laws, Vidya took her new religion seriously —
until she got drawn to meditation two years ago. Nobody had forced her to do
Namaz and nobody objected when she stopped.
Secular Upbringing
Contrary to
popular belief, these Hindu-Muslim marriages are not restricted to the
well-to-do. Masood Akhtar, who till recently lived in a slum, still wakes up to
nightmares of the time he was beaten up by the police and put behind bars
during the 1992-93 Mumbai riots. But he refused to let the trauma tarnish the
secular upbringing he had had. As a boy, he would often accompany his father to
his workshop to distribute Diwali sweets to his Hindu workers. When Masood
informed his family that his Hindu fiancee’s name must remain unchanged after
the Nikaah, only his father supported him. Today, his joint family consults his
wife Rama Shyam on everything. And every Durga Puja, Masood, Rama and their son
go Pandal-hopping.
The best
part of this world is not the conservatives it manages to convert along the
way, but the children born of such unions. Saryu fondly recalls her mother
reading the Ramayana while the local Maulana who had come to meet her waited
patiently. “Accha, Baaji Paath Padh Rahi Hai (Let sister finish reciting the
Ramayana),” he would say. Her father named her after the U.P. river sacred to
Hindus.
Aasif still
regrets not being allowed to say ‘Indian’ in the religion column of his son’s
birth certificate. When the child was four, he was asked by someone in Aasif’s
hometown Dahod whether he was Hindu or Muslim. The cricket-crazy boy simply
said, “I’m a Mumbai Indian”.
Mustafa
finds that his two-year-old son has taken over what used to be his task on
Diwali day — ringing the bell while Prachi performs Lakshmi puja. Sometimes,
the toddler stands next to him when Mustafa performs the Namaz. “Let him find
his own path,” say the parents.
Going
forward, it is these children who will prove to be immune to the vitriol spewed
by bigots.
-----
Jyoti Punwani is a Mumbai-based freelance
journalist.
Original Headline: In another India, Hindus and
Muslims do marry without changing their faith
Source: The Hindu
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